I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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