Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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