We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
