Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
