My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
