A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
