Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize