What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
