Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
