i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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