so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
