He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
