dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
