i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
