She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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