You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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