My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
