he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
