I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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