you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
