Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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