Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
