coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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