i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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