Just cropdusted the office
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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