question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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