He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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