Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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