Can i not drive my cunt home
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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