I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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