tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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