it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize