Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
