Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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