Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
