Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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