Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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