The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
