We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
