I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
please come you make the beer taste better
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
