my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize