Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
