I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I think im going to throw up on grandma
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
