so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
