He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I am available for nakedness
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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