dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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