Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
