guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
