dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
