I want to stick my p in your. b.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Sext me about skeletons
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
