MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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