isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
