I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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