Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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