what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Randomize
