I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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