I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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