Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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