Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
