I cannot find my penis.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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