Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just got carded by a ten year old.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize