I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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