Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize