Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
