Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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