take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
