When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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