I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
