you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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