Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
