When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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