Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
