You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
