Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
