I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
