I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
