i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
