I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
