My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
