I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
