After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
