I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
